we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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