i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
