It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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