Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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