Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
