She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
