Umm I'm too high to move.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
