How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
