Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I am spending my child support on dildos
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
