Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize