I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
