so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
