I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
