If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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