the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I fill condoms, not promises.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
