I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
