I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
