I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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