Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
