he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
