there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
