nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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