Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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