i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
