you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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