She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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