Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
