Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
