epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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