she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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