i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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