I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
