people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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