Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab