It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
