so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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