yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
