well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
