Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
