I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
