you guys were way drunker than both of me
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
