Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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