Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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