The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
