Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
