WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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