I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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