i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
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Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
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I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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