Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.