all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
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Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
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we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.