pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.