I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no