I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
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frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
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IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM