i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
