he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
