Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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