get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
