I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
