You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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