Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
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All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
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Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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