rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
