Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
