I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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