i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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