Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
